Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Five Fun Things in Minecraft

As you know, I've recently finished my manuscript The Zero Maker, a YA psychological horror. So what have I been doing while taking break in between editing?

Farting around on Minecraft.

I've comprised the five best (and fun) things to do in Minecraft, and I'm sharing it with the world, 'cause it can get you rolling and slapping your knee like nobody's business. So here we go--the five top (according to me) most fun things to do in Minecraft.




#1: Piss Off a Crap Load of Endermen

Whilst in the Creative Mode, go to a deserted, small island (either created by you or naturally generated), and stand in the center and declare that your spawn point (using the command /spawnpoint).

Then, go into your inventory and get a Endermen spawner egg (make SURE it is not raining and it's nighttime). If it's raining, use the command "/weather clear", and it if it's dark, use the command "/time set day". If it's raining, they will teleport away from you, and we don't want that, 'case we haven't pissed them off yet.

Get a chest from the inventory, and stock it full of sticks. (Make sure the chest is a block away from your spawn point, so that if you die, you will respawn right in front of it). Spawn a shit ton of Endermen--and by a shit ton, I mean to the point that your computer/game is lagging. Fill that mofo with Enderman.

Equip yourself with a stick. Then use the stick to beat them upside the head. (Or the knee, since they are rather tall). You might survive for like, five seconds, but then you respawn in the center of them. Grab another stick from the chest and continue to piss them off by whacking them with the stick. Eventually, they will die. Eventually.

This might sound stupid, but it's actually pretty satisfying for some reason. Don't know why, just is. And it's kinda funny, cause they get really, really pissed. What better way to spend your time by whacking Endermen upside the head with sticks?

#2 Kamikaze Bunny Rabbits

I'm going to stay of with please don't do this in real life. (Seriously). Love da bunnies. Pet da bunnies. Please don't throw them off a cliff.

Get a bunny spawner egg. Spawn a crap load of bunnies and leash them to yourself with leads. After you have like fifty bunnies tied to yourself, (and if you want to see them freak out, trip over themselves, and bounce everywhere, equip a carrot) go to the highest point in the game (like a cliff of the top of a mountain) and commit Kamikaze by jumping into thin air. You will fall, all bunnies freaking the hell out, until SPLAT!

They all go EEP at once and poof! (Unfortunately you die too). The best thing about this one is that there isn't a point to it. It's seriously fucked up, but I guess that's why it's so funny. It would be funnier with chickens, but they all just float gracefully down to earth then look at you like you are a complete idiot. (Yes, chickens can JUDGE, man...)

#3 The Ultimate Human Bullet

You can only do this in creative mode since you cannot mine through bedrock.

Dig a hole to the bedrock, and be sure not to fall through the bedrock. Make sure you can fall through the world--but don't. By double pressing the space bar (on PC) float to the highest point in the game (until you are over the clouds and the world is no longer visible) and double tap the space bar to fall.

You will launch yourself into an automatic death like a bullet by free falling, then whizzing at top speed through the center of the earth. You see the ground for like a few seconds, then you are in blackness and inevitably die. Really quickly. (Again, no point, but fun to do). It's basically like WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! *K!* *K!* *K!* Dead.

#4 Not Sure What Material to Build Your House From? I Gotcha.


That's right. Make a house out of every single block on Minecraft, including enchanting tables, soul sand, stained glass, etc. (Except bedrock if in survival). It looks pretty stupid. But it's trippy as hell.

If you are playing on a server, you can totes turn to your friend and be like, "Did I do this right? I think I missed a step".

#5 Boom!

Link a pressure plate to a crap ton of hidden TNT on a server, put the plate out in a field somewhere, and wait for it.

Oh noes!

So there it is, peeps. Five fun things to do on Minecraft that serve no purpose to the game whatsoever. I believe these have been done somewhere out there, so I am just touching base with my favorites, and the ones I came up with.

See you on the flip side!

Friday, June 5, 2015

Murphy's Law: If It Can Go Wrong, It Probably Will

And this week has been a douche bag. In terms of writing, I have done nothing. No editing. No revising. I'm either too busy at work or too busy with other things. (Insert crybaby noise here). Yea, I'm venting. But I also have some good things to share, so bear with me!

The happiness from the success of my recently completed novel was short lived.

In the last week, the following craptastic events have taken place:

-Gansters shot and killed a man, dumping his body in the river near my work

-Record flooding left me stranded coming home from work at eleven at night... near the place where the body was dumped (yea, how convenient)

-My grandmother (who adopted me) is in the hospital, has been all week, and will be all weekend for pneumonia

-My work called, asking if I could work weekends from now on. (I work two jobs, one at a technology office, and one at a coffee shop). Which is super cool, 'cept now my only day off is Wednesday

-A recent epiphany led me to rewrite the last 5k on my manuscript, but I haven't got around to it because life

-I stubbed my toe on the entertainment center this morning

-I went to save a baby turtle's life on the flood bottoms last weekend (he was crossing the road), and before I went to go grab him, some asshole ran him over right in front of me

-I have a really bad toothache that is seriously making me want to pull it out my damn self with a pair of pliers. (I did this already with one). Take a couple shots of whiskey and you are good to go

-Just kidding about the whiskey thing

-One of my fellow coworkers farted on me in the damn elevator this morning and laughed about it

-While writing this post, a fire alarm went off in my department and I had to evacuate the building

Don't judge me 'cause I'm on the web at work. (I'm actually on break if you wanna get technical).

Now the good things that happened this week:

-I'm still alive

-I'm getting a really badass blog banner, designed by a wickedly talented pal on QT. (Seriously. I saw the direction the final product was heading in and it was pretty boss)

-I built a really cool house in the Sims 3... (It functions too, which means my Sims aren't getting stuck in the hallway wall this time)

-I only cried for thirty-five minutes while watering my spice garden

The last one is a personal victory. *Gets emotional*

...It's a work in progress.

So yea, that's been my week. It sucks, but I should be thankful that it didn't end up worse.

I'm just going to focus on editing, since that's the biggest thing I need to do.

So... I'm going to do that now, before another fire alarm goes off or something prevents me from doing it. Cheers.

And remember--haters gonna hate, potatoes gonna potate.